Down To IHOP
by StoleTheSpider
Summary: Who can resist the epic that is pancakes from IHOP? The Avengers sure as hell can't! But is this trip for buttery goodness really such a good idea? Two master assassins, a thunder god, a super solider, and a brilliantly snarky inventor. Don't forget the giant green rage monster disguised as a scientist. What could possibly go wrong? -Rated T for some cursing and to be safe!


I couldn't stay away from this group of characters. So here this little Fic is. It was going to be a Oneshot, but my Muse decided to make this a Two or even Threeshot. Sorry about that. ^^; Please point out any and all mistakes that I make. Spelling, grammar, OOC moments, anything. It makes me happy. :) Oh, and I have no idea what car they're riding in...some kind of van? I don't really know and my Muse didn't really elaborate. Picture what you will. X)

This happens after my other Avengers Fic "From Alcohol To Pancakes" but I don't think you need to read that one to get this one. **_There is cursing in thi_****_s Fic._** There's not much, I just wanna warn you all so you don't get offended. This is Movie!verse BTW.

StoleTheSpider does not own anything.

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"Steve…Do you actually know how to drive?" Tony asked as he waited patiently in the passenger seat. "Do you want me to drive instead? We'll get there faster."

"Yeah! I want some pancakes! You're taking ages Boyscout! At this point we'll get there in what?" Clint made a show of checking his phone for the time. "2 and a half years?"

"Not funny Clint." Steve growled.

"Touchy touchy…" the archer mumbled, settling back in his seat.

"Back on subject. Steve. Do you or do you not know how to drive." Tony asked, redirecting the super soldiers attention back to him.

Steve sweated a bit and his knuckles turned white as he gripped the steering wheel in front of him harder. "Yeah. Of course. I learned back when I was sixteen. You couldn't keep me off of the road back then. I made sure to borrow my dad's vehicle all the time. Real babe magnet, that car."

"Hmm." Tony hummed, unconvinced. "Did you ever learn how to drive a 21st century vehicle and not some ancient piece of rust. No offense Capsicle, but cars are driven a bit differently now than they were back then."

"I know that! It's just…" Steve sweated a bit more.

Tony paused, them smirked. "You weren't paying attention when Fury was teaching you to drive, were you?"

"I was! But nothing makes sense! There's all these buttons and knobs! I could point to this one right here and I bet even Clint couldn't tell me what it does!" Steve said, a tad bit hysterically as he pointed accusingly at the button closet to him.

"Um, Steve? That's the button to turn the radio." Clint answered sarcastically from the back.

"Never mind! This is insane! How do you all do it?" Steve buried his head in his hands, refusing to talk to the lot of them.

"I take it then that you do not, in fact, know how to drive this car?" Tony drawled.

"No shit Sherlock." Clint said sardonically.

"Language Clint."

"Fuck you." the archer growled.

"My my. Someone's grumpy when they're hungry." a new, female voice called out.

"Oh no. Natasha's coming? She'll kill all the cooks before they even get to make the pancakes! Heck, she'll kill the waiter for looking at her wrong!" Clint groaned as Black Widow slid into the middle row next to him.

"Oh come on Clint. You know I only kill waiters when they tell me 'Good Morning'. No morning is good unless I get to knock off a peppy waiter." Natasha said in a tone that was half joking, half serious.

There was a hefty silence in the car before Clint spoke up. "She's kidding right. Right?"

Tony shrugged. "How the hell should we know. You were the one who had the tragic past with her. That whole assassin death trip thing."

Clint looked positively shell shocked. "How in the hell do you know about that?"

"Oh please. I figured that juicy little tidbit out before I was even hogtied into this little super secret boy band. Honestly, you two need to make out and get it over with. All this sexual tension is really staring to make me gag." Tony cut in, shooting a sly glance between the two S.H.I.E.L.D agents.

Both Clint and Natasha glared at Tony, but before hidden knives could be revealed and whetted with Tony's blood, another new voice interrupted them.

"HALE FRIENDS!" the hearty call of one resident thunder god called out.

All the occupants in the car braced themselves as the meat of the group bared down upon them, hefting open the car door like it was made out of paper mache and not titanium steel.

Thor barreled into the car with childlike exuberance and went straight to the rear seats, making sure to give Clint what he thought was a friendly slug on the arm on the way.

As Clint gasped in pain and massaged his arm, Natasha laughed, and Thor settled into his seat, Tony turned towards the garage door. "Isn't Bruce coming?" he asked.

"Probably not. He's holed himself up his the lab again. I asked if he was coming, but all I got was a mutter and a wave." Natasha said simply.

"Hmmm." Tony hummed again, this time thinking. "Well we'll just have to do something about that."

Tony reached into his pocket and pulled out his cell phone. With a few taps on its touch screen, a 3D visual of the Avengers Mansion popped into existence and hovered above the phone's screen, slowly pulsing as Tony held it. "JARVIS? You there?" Tony called into the phone.

"Always for you, sir." the calm voice of the AI called back.

"Great. I have a little favor for you. See this dot right here?" Tony pointed to a flashing dot in a section of the holo mansion labeled 'Lab'. "That's out not so gentle green giant friend. Seeing as how he's totally ignoring the prospect of pancakes in favor of his work, we'll just have to…" a few more taps on the phone screen from Tony, "influence him a little bit. JARVIS? Cut all power in the Lab area. Oh, and make sure to save his work for him. I'd hate to have to completely rebuild the entire west side of the mansion."

"Yes sir. Right away sir. Powering down…now."

"Great. Thank you JARVIS. Now all we have to do is wait for Banner." Tony finished with a satisfied clap of his hands, shutting down the holo mansion and stowing his phone in his pocket as he did so.

"That thing you have on your phone…that thingie of the mansion…that's like stalking. I have just been extremely creeped out." Clint muttered.

"You just love being evil don't you Stark?" Natasha quipped.

"Why yes. Yes I do." Tony smirked as he turned towards the garage door. "And here's our brilliant scientist now! Couldn't stay away from the pancakes?"

"Yeah. That and there was a sudden power outage in just one section of the Mansion. Funnily enough, it was the section that I was in." Bruce said as he climbed into the car to sit next to Thor, getting an affectionate arm wallop from the thunder god as well.

"Shucks. It's those confounded mice. I really need to get JARVIS to call an exterminator." Tony said with mock anxiety.

"Yeah. And maybe a couple-."

"ARE WE GOING TO IHOP OR WHAT!" Clint yelled from his seat.

There were a few moments of shocked silence in the car as everyone turned their gaze on the frustrated archer who had the decency to look a little sheepish now that his outburst was over. "It's just…I'm really hungry and, now that you guys kept mentioning it, I really got in the mood for some pancakes. Can we leave now?"

There was another beat of silence before Tony turned to Steve, who still had his face in his hands, totally oblivious to all that had just happened. "Steve. You didn't go into cardiac arrest from stress did you? If you did, do I have permission to haul your ass out of the car, dump your body in the woods, and drive the rest of us to IHOP?"

"Whatgtemver." Steve mumbled through his hands.

"Come again?"

The super solider sighed in defeat and straightened up. "I said whatever. You can drive. I wouldn't want to let the team down."

"That'a boy Cap! Now get out of the car before Clint goes insane from hunger and tries to eat my brains. Either my brains or Bruce's brains. Those are the biggest anyway."

While Steve made to get out of the car and Tony continued to babble, Clint fell back in his seat and groaned. "We're never going to get to IHOP are we?"

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Second part will hopefully be up soon. :) I hope you all enjoyed this and laughed at least once! Please leave me a review of what you think if you have the time! Thanks for reading! :D


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